+ Letter for Closure +

I will never understand what you were thinking throughout all of this. I cannot believe how stupid I am for listening to your lies and allowing myself to believe in them. And in you. I wanted to believe that you cared about me because I forgot how lovely it could be to feel cared for. How great it can be to be held and feel like I was cared for.

The most infuriating thing is I knew exactly who you were when I first met you, and I still somehow let you play me like a goddamn fool. You were such a smooth talker. So sweet and caring...so it seemed. I was right in always saying no to you, but you wore me down and ruined everything!

We were friends? I thought we were. I confided in you more than I had in any other man. I never lied to you, not that you believed that. You walked with me when I asked and made me feel better when things sucked. You let me cry and never made me feel silky for crying. You held me when I felt dumb for letting guys use me and told me that I wasn't stupid. You confided in me, too. Even if you don't remember, or was everything you said a lie? I just never wanted to lose my friend.

Yet you turned right around and played me worse than anyone - knowing I'd been played too often before you. I lost someone I thought was a pretty good friend. Someone I'd grown to love as a friend, and someone I'd grown to really like as a possibility of more.

I will never fully know what I did wrong, other than think you actually gave a damn. However, like all the rest, you proved that I mean absolutely nothing in the eyes of men. Just a fun distraction and a hope of an easy lay. Cool.

All those talks and time spent hanging out as friends. All those laughs. Teasing. Everything. What an Idiot! All I ever wanted when I gave you a chance was to be shown that maybe someone could care about me for once. I just wanted to make you happy and show you what it is to be truly cared for. All I said was true. All the times I held you in my arms was out of affection and want for you to be happy and feel loved. Because you'd been used, too. You'd been hurt too. I wanted you to know I wasn't going to hurt you. All the while blinded to the fact you were going to burn me worse than anyone.

You once told me how the girls you date or have fun with never talk to you once it's over and you could never figure out why. I have an idea. It's because you break them, cut ties, refuse to acknowledge them, and never speak to them again. You cut ties and treat them like they meant nothing. It's no wonder...