+ Bridges +

I don't know why but recently I've been using the metaphors for bridges a lot. I just am feeling very weird in my own skin lately and I don't exactly understand why... It just feels like I am not myself. Things are weird.

I think the reason for my use of bridge metaphors is that it feels like a lot of bridges are being burned within my life recently and I am not really sure why that is. I'm not entirely sure I remember why the bridge with Don got burned other than we were not good living together. I hold no bitterness against her now. I have burned many bridges in my life, and other bridges lay dormant waiting until it will be used again. But while I have many burnt and dormant bridges in my path of life - I don't know what to do with them.

A friend made an interesting comment about how you can always try to fix things, it might not be forever. But to go along with the metaphor - while the burned bridge is still there, who knows how trecherous it is to attempt re-crossing now? Maybe many years have passed, parts of it is ash, parts still standing. If you try to re-cross it... can you survive it? Will it be worth it?

What is the motivation for repairing that bridge? At what cost to yourself or the other? There are some bridges I might want to test the danger upon, others I might want to re-light on fire, others maybe I want to burn for the first time. Before I, myself, get burned.

I think bridges are on my mind this much because a bridge might be getting burned soon. While that isn't necessarily the ending I want to happen, I think I won't have a choice. I'm not sure I'll be on the fire-end of this bridge. I don't understand why bridges must burn. I don't know why everything must turn to dust? I don't know much of anything it seems these days.

I feel trapped within the confines of my own skin. I feel lost - like the minotaur within my labyrinth is drawing nearer and nearer with each intake of breath. I feel a foreboding most days and I am not sure when this feeling started to creep upon me. I want to explore something. I want to stop missing people like crazy, and I want to stop being so senseless right now.

I am in a weird mood and for that I shall take my leave with one last quotation:

"We cross our bridges when we come to them, and burn them behind us with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered," Tom Stoppard.