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Day 2: What Place Do You Consider Home?

Home isn't really a place for me these days. I've always struggled with the meaning of "home" mostly because I've always had a hard time feeling connected. 

There are places I've had a roof and have survived, but there's not many places I've felt I could be myself and call home.

My childhood could be described as a struggle at best. In some ways I had an extraordinary childhood, but others it was bleak.

While my parents had the funds to let me do a lot: Gymnastics, ballet, tap, jazz, soccer, violin, etc. It was a far cry from perfection. 

I have been the outsider my entire life. I preferred isolation the older I got because it meant I would finally not be beaten, I would finally not be yelled at, I wouldn't be blamed for everything going wrong. I wouldn't have bruises to hide from teachers. The more invisible I could become the safer I was. My self worth was always challenged because I was told how worthless I was and could never do anything right. It's hard to have confidence in myself at times because these voices have never really left my head.

My college town became a kind of home because it was the first place I had to start over. I didn't have my family in my business or telling me how worthless I was. I was happy for a time,  but even that was never a true home. It would never become permanent as I could never survive there on my own in financial independence. It did bring me amazing memories and experiences, though. It left me begin to forge my identity.

My home these days has become a person. Wherever he is feels more like a home to me than any physical place ever has. He's my kindred spirit in so many ways. His past has mirrored mine in some fundamental ways. Our struggles and hardships have mirrored in our pasts. As a result he understands me in ways I never believed possible. He accepts me for all that I am, can be, and will be. In his arms I feel safe and happy. As if things are how they're meant to be and everything is right with the world. 

He is what I hope my future to be - full of laughter, silliness, love, and peace of mind. 

Wherever he is I will happily follow and build a home. With me, he'll be loved and adored. I want to dote on him and make him feel wanted, loved, and adored just like he makes me feel everyday.