+ Finding my Inner Consciousness +

Once again I am in a place in life that requires me to reinvent who I am and who I want to be. Every couple years it is a process I find I need to go through. It is a good thing to find yourself every couple years, I think. If for no other reason than to keep moving forward and bettering yourself.

Self exploration is an important part of self fulfillment, at least that's what I find in my own life. The better acquainted I am with myself the happier I end up becoming.

Within the last few months I've taken the time to get active and explore what I want. I've done it a couple times before, but this is the longest I've ever stuck it out for.

I started out just doing workout dvds and walking five miles a day. Then hiked our mountain every week until the weather got bad. This last month I joined a local, tiny gym. I go there as often as I can (usually 5 times a week at least). Since July, I've lost 37 lbs.

I've noticed I can't sit still as much as I once could. I have a lot of extra, pent up energy all the time now. I enjoy going to the gym and moving. I find even when I'm just sitting some part of me is moving more so than ever before. I've always been kind of twitchy.

I don't crave bread, sugar, or carbs anymore like I used to. I used to love breads and pastas. I rarely bother anymore - instead I live off Greek yogurt, fruit, and veggies with some meat thrown in randomly.

I'm honestly really happy with my health at the moment, and I love watching it improve each day. I've gotten really good at saying no to things I know aren't healthy for me or offer little nutrition. I love the subtle ache in my muscles after working out. I love seeing the scale go lower each time I get on it. I'm back to where I was a few years ago. I wasn't fit back then, but it's small steps on a journey to being fit and getting some muscle.

In the process of getting fit and learning how to be happy being myself and in my own skin, I had managed to get a boyfriend. Though, as usual, it didn't last long. And that's okay. He was the best boyfriend I've had during the time we were together, and he taught me how to trust a man again. I didn't think that was possible for me.

I'm focusing on throwing myself into all the things that I enjoy. I love my fly fishing volunteering - doing the newsletter, helping with the expos, attending the meeting. I love trivia nights at our local "pub". I love going to the gym and watching muscles form where there previously weren't any. I think I want to try to volunteer more for work stuff for my students. I want to find my love of teaching again and it's going well. I want to explore my writing again.

I think finding myself is going to be the best thing I can do for myself.