+ Dating +

So, I met this man.

Well, met might not be the right word. We went to high school together. Once upon a time we had art class together and the room had tiny tables that sat two. He and I were assigned seats next to each other. I only vaguely remember that because he and Alice were hanging out at the time and as her best friend I made a mental note that he was the guy she was hanging out with.

I never gave him much notice. He was just a boy that sat next to me in class. We existed in the same space both listening to our own music in our own worlds. Students were not permitted to talk during class. Maybe a sentence or two were exchanged during the semester or year (however long the class lasted).

I left the class and thoughts of him behind for over a decade.

I dated people, I went into relationships, I got my heart broken a number of times, I was used by men that promised they'd never hurt me, I was raped on a first date. I had learned to move on from a broken heart and slowly heal myself.

Until one day I was minding my own business and he re-entered my life, only this time I noticed him.

He told me he was interested in me and valued my intelligence. He told me I was cute. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. He was impatient to get to see me when I got back from my trip.

And for the first time in forever, I was so excited to meet a man. I tend to scare off easily since the rape, and I get afraid to meet new men. I usually have 25 legit excuses ready to break a date when meeting new men because I get panic attacks at the idea of being that vulnerable in front of a man I don't know. I never even had an excuse ready for this man, though. The thought never occurred to me that I should run.

I want to be with this one. With him it seems so natural to want to be around him even if we're not doing anything at all. I'm happy when I'm near him. Every time I kiss him I feel safe and I never want it to end. He holds me carefully. He's intelligent and such a smartass. He teases and mocks me mercilessly and I adore every minute of it, even if I act exasperated. I hope he knows how much I adore him and value him. I tell him, but don't know how much he really hears it. But I'm trying to get through to him.