+ I Resign +

I would like to formally resign from today. I'm just over it and would like a new one.

On days like today I'm of the belief that I would really like to do something with my life for work that involves no contact with people. I am really feeling the idea of being a hermit at the moment. 

I guess today wasn't totally bad. It was just filled with insanity and a splash of miscommunication. And it just wouldn't end. By six I just wanted to go home. By eight I finally did go home. And just felt like I needed to be heavily medicated. No such luck.

I just feel like my energy gets sucked away so fast lately. I guess it just has to do with the fact that I work thirteen hour days now. I get maybe an hour to myself a day. If I'm lucky.

Lately I just crave crawling away into a hole to hide. I need to get a peace of mind that refuses to greet me. Instead I spend thirteen hours pretending to be super happy and like everything is PEACHY even when it's anything but. When I'm irritated I have to pretend I'm not. I get disrespected and get to be cheery about it.  Ignored and I get to take it. My patience is wearing so very thin. I feel like soon I'm going to snap like a rubber band - broken and violently - in an explosion of rage.

It's hard faking it all the time. It takes a toll on the psyche. I don't remember it being so trying before this year. I'm always full of stress but it feels worse now that I work all day. It's getting harder to put up the facade that is me. The professional one anyway. I'm exhausted with my life. 

Usually at the end of these days I crave a man to curl up next to and be held. There's something so lovely about being in someone's arms as you're falling asleep.  So I can wake up in his arms and be held again. And feel some of my constant stress melt away.

But I can't find a man that fits that bill. I can only find jerks that want an easy lay and that doesn't sound appealing. I always find jerks or needy men that aren't my type.

Why can't I catch breaks?