I'm getting to the point that I dread dating. Every time I'm asked out now I get nauseated and end up dreading it. It's hard for me to not just believe that all men are liars probably because I've been led on and lied to enough in my lifetime by men. I've cancelled once or twice on guys the day of meeting them because I was so nauseated by the idea.
It's just I really don't view dating as fun and everyone tells me it's supposed to be. I must not be doing something right. I just never know what to say or ask on dates. I feel like there's so much pressure to look your best, say the right things, and it's just the one shot. That just stresses me out more. Also the more eager the man seems to meet me the more nervous/concerned I get because I am convinced they're all serial killers. Which probably just means I shouldn't be allowed to watch all the crime dramas that I do. That being said I always have my pocket knife and pepper spray on me during these dates. None of them know where I live. Nor do they know where I work. I make sure of that... but even still I don't always feel completely secure in the fact they're not going to try to murder me later.
As Fish Ten and I were talking about I think ladies (and me) tend to cancel last minute because we're taught to be so weary of strange men. I mean, it is the internet. Who knows who you're really meeting? It could easily be the next Ted Bundy. I'm just saying.
Sometimes after work I am so tired, stressed, and burnt out that I want to just not be nice to anyone, not talk, and just live in a world where I can just exist and not have to try to impress anyone. And when guys make me have plans in advanced I have no idea if I'll feel like going out with them after work on that day. And sometimes my friends want to hang out... and face it given the choice of a friend I already like quite a bit and a stranger I'm inclined to really, really want to see my friend.
I know it's kind of jerky... but seriously sometimes the anxiety of meeting a stranger just builds up too much and I can't force myself to do it. I'm trying to work on that... but I don't know. And seriously guys try to book me up every dang night of the week. Too many guys want to meet me and don't realize I don't want to meet men I have barely talked to... because frankly that's asking to put myself into a dangerous situation. I'd like to be somewhat confident I won't be murdered by the end of the night. Go figure.
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