+ "No Guns for Geeks" +

There are moments when in the silence of mental reflection you need to go back to things that make you feel safe. For me that will always be literature. Literature and music. Because no matter why I'm lost, hurt, afraid, or uncertain they always give me the strength I find myself lacking.

Tonight wasn't any different and I found myself tearing through my college files (yes, I kept every paper given to me by professors, every scrap/reflection I wrote for class, and every short story given to me in a lit class) looking for a very specific piece. Guns for Geeks by Chris Crutcher because let's face it he is an amazing novelist. And in light of the shooting this week I needed to somehow come to terms with my thoughts. I find I don't like plastering my opinions on my social networking sites. There's never enough space to fully explain my thoughts and no one reads them anyway. Heck, few if any people read this humble little blog. I kind of like it that way. Keeps me honest to what I want to write about.

First I'd like to point out for the last two months I've been working with kids that have mental disabilities. I love them. I love them all. Thinking of them always tugs at my heart more than a little. I worry for their futures; the kinds of lives they may or may not have. More than once I've had to fight off tears for them. They are sweet, kind, and yes they can get out of control and become violent. I've been on the receiving end of violence at the hands of more than one student. We [all who work with these kids] handle it and accept it happily. Because we're prepared for that kind of thing; we know how to handle it. It's our job. We do it because we care, while most people avoid them all together. And yes, six months ago I would have avoided them like the plague myself. I was afraid of the unknown. I worried about not knowing how I'd react to inopportune situations.

Now, I find myself wanting to protect them and be there for them. I find myself so worried I'm going to miss them once I'm done. I'm dreading the time with them to be over. I don't want to leave them.

A couple of guys were walking with a girl in the halls and I heard the guys audibly laughing at the expense of the kid I work with. Making fun of the kid! I was livid - I walked to where I could be sure I was in view of them (they were too far off for me to yell at them - classes were in session and I had to stick by the kid I work with). I "mom glared" them down the hall. The girl saw and told the guys to stop. Honestly? Making fun of a kid because the kid was having fun working and cheering! Cleaning tables for teenagers like them who only want to bash and make fun of the kid. Those moments I question humanity and the kind of world that teaches kids that's appropriate behavior. I find myself in those moments asking, "What kind of people raised those brats!". I know it's unfair to think those kinds of things because the parents aren't to blame, but it's hard not to sometimes.

The whole idea of making fun of others continues to bring fury to my very being in ways I didn't think was possible before I was a teacher. Though even as a kid I always spoke out against people bashing other people, it somehow hits me more now that I've had students. I find myself wanting to protect all of them. In every classroom I enter if I hear bullying I immediately kibosh it. That's one of the few things that really brings out my "Mom Voice" and my "Mom stare" though I'm not a mom yet. I'm starting to perfect those looks. The one time I really reprimanded a whole class was when I caught them bashing two of my other students. They hadn't known a truly stern Zelda until that moment. It scared them into silence and they never made fun of another student (in front of me/in my class) again.

"'Hell, don't they know guys like Gene Taylor are punished before they do their deed [school shootings]?' Now, what are we going to do about that?" - Chris Crutcher, Guns for Geeks.

I'm not condoning school shooters, not by a long shot. But maybe, just maybe, if we were kinder to all people there would be less school shootings. If you look into the backgrounds of shooters you typically find abuse, bullying, and a life filled with unhappiness and pain under their belts. They keep it inside until it can't be held in any longer. Why can't we, as a society, show compassion for the people who need it the most? If someone stood up for any of the shooters I find myself wondering if that would have been a saving grace. How many lives could be spared by just stopping mistreatment of another human being when we see it?

There's no reason we need to be evil to each other. Yet evil actions run rampant in our society. It baffles me.

I have a couple friends that could have had the potential to be school shooters. I know that sounds terrible to say, but they were the kinds of people that have always been treated like nothing. Made fun of. Bashed. Abused by all in their lives They hated. They hurt. They were lost. They are some of my most loyal friends. They are some of the most lovely people I ever met.

My request of anyone who reads this is only this: Be kind to every person who crosses your path. Even when you're having a bad day. Even when the people who cross your path don't treat you kindly. Just treat all those who you know with compassion because that might save someone.