This has kind of been bubbling up in my head lately. I'm not really even sure how it came up. I was chatting up Dercetus and talking about our lives and the idea of relationships. How he was thinking it is about time to consider settling down. And he asked me how things were in that area for me. Because "I've never had a serious relationship and stuff". His words, not mine. Just 'cause I am not all that sexually experienced doesn't mean my relationships were somehow less. I think that stung a little more than I'd like to admit. I've never been very public with my relations. I tend to want to protect them- keep them to myself.
Basically I'm not overtly looking. If it happens, cool. If not, well, less is holding me here while I search for a better job and face the reality of having to move. My biggest thing is I'm not the type to sleep around while waiting for a relationship. It's a tad too personal in my eyes to do with a total stranger.
Basically the advice given? I'm not going to be finding myself a relationship without sleeping with the guy first. I think that is probably the most disturbing thing I've heard in a while. Yeah. Let's sleep with total strangers who've been who knows where, with who knows what diseases, while I hope a relationship happens and pray I don't get HIV or Herpes in the process. Good plan, bro.
I don't know. Sleeping with someone before being committed somehow just seems begging for trouble. Opening yourself up for heartache. I don't like the idea of being used and tossed aside. I wouldn't trust random men to not use or hurt me.
It takes quite a bit for me to trust someone. And the trust it takes to sleep with someone? Much more. So how the heck could it happen before a relationship? Maybe I'm old fashioned, but sex means more to me than that. God it's difficult to just kiss guys I barely know...or even ones I do know.
It's just... I guess I'm going to be alone forever. I'm not sleeping with a guy without some form of commitment. I'm metaphorically screwed.
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