+ Past Me - You Were Ridiculous +

I was checking my old files on my computer for some old writing of Cerimon's because he was mentioning he didn't save much. That meant that I needed to scour my entire document files. Which is too vast for my own good and the majority of it is labelled in a way I no longer comprehend. I came across a million and one pieces of my own writing works and oh. my. goodness...

The fifteen and sixteen year old me makes me want to hurl. We're talking like the kind of hurling that comes to mind when reading lines that Romeo speaks to Juliet. It's that cheesy, that bad, and that whiney about love. You know it's pretty terrible writing if I'm comparing it to Romeo's speeches - even my heartbroken poetry is on par with Romeo whining over Rosaline. It's a disgrace to all forms of poetry and writing.

Still I'm super glad I kept it because some of the poetry I remember thinking wasn't bad. It's good to see how I've grown as a writer and poet. Granted I'm certainly no Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, or William Blake. That said, I'm not the worst poet ever to have lived. To be perfectly honest people may never even read any of my poetry which would be fine with me. I write for myself and no one else.

I think that works out well. I don't feel like I let people down when I write for my own sheer enjoyment. I enjoy getting the opportunities to learn about myself as a writer. I honestly have no idea what I was like or what all occupied my time when I was fifteen and sixteen so this is a good thing. It allows me to see a sliver of the past me, learn about her, and grow from my past. For example I know that the majority of fifteen and sixteen year old me's time was spent chatting up her friends - especially in online chatrooms (I found the most ridiculous chat involving Cerimon, Adrian, Casanova, Tank, and several other people. I almost cried from laughter). My closest friends appear to be the same as hers, some of the occupying thoughts remain the same, but still much more is different.

It's just interesting having this insight into my past. I also recently found the link to my xanga - that was also ridiculously hilarious and sad. The past me was interesting... to say the least. I thought I was so important and like my troubles were unique. They were pretty average for a fifteen/sixteen year old, "Blah blah, I love my boyfriend, blah blah my boyfriend broke up with me, blah blah my parents are the scourge of my existance, blah blah life is a meaningless black hole, blah blah I like a guy who doesn't even know it...".

Maybe I'll post some ridiculously bad poetry/writing at a later date...