+ I Have No Answers in Life +

I'd like to get away for a while.

I'd like to just run away and never look back. Maybe never come home and never see a familar face again. Just lose myself in time. Lose myself in the never-ending forests and never look back. I'd do anything to see those emerald trees again right now. I would do anything to talk to her again because she is the only one who could tell me what to do. And irony of ironies if she were here I wouldn't be allowed to talk to her anyway.

I would love to just go to sleep and awaken in another place in another time. Where I wouldn't have to think about this last week and a half. Where I'd never have to try to understand anything or anyone.

I'd like to just leave all the problems the world creates behind me and focus on absolutely nothing for once. The worst days of my life are never about myself. And I can give you the dates of what were the worst moments of my life off the top of my head because they repeat themselves over and over in my head. Each time it reminds me how entirely impossible it is to control anything.

November 6, 1990. - This is a guess, I imagine had I been able to think consciously it would have been difficult.
September 2, 2004.
November 9, 2004.
December 10, 2008.
January 7, 2010.
January 10, 2012.
January 13, 2012.

And I have a feeling those dates won't be the end of them either. There is only more to come. More to deal with. I will still be here years from now wondering what I could have done differently. Maybe, just maybe if anyone listened to me or talked to me things could have been different. Or maybe everything would have been the same. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore. 

Don't get me wrong I've had more than seven bad days in my life. But these ones are by far the worst ones to have lived through thus far. The funny thing is I don't think anyone could tell me what happened on each of those dates and be correct. Even the ones who lived through those days with me.