You know, not everything about my life was as crazy as it sometimes feels that it is and always has been. There are brief moments where I'm reminded of pure and simple perfection - and those moments when it felt like it would last forever. I don't think I ever would have thought I'd be where I am today, be doing what I am, have had some of the great, horrific, heart-breaking, or absolutely wonderful moments I've partaken in during my brief lifetime thus far. I don't think that if you had told me during those perfect moments that this is how everything was, is, and would one day be I would have believed it. Maybe I would have been thrilled, maybe not.
The younger me was much more positive of everything. She had such a strong faith and love that I haven't lost per se, but it doesn't ring with the same assurance that it all once did. I'm working towards it. But I think that she would be more or less satisfied, perhaps heart-broken over certain situations and people who've come and gone and how they couldn't have stayed by her side... but I think in the end she would have accepted it, moved on, and continued to be strong.
But this isn't about what she would have done, thought, or believed. This is actually going to be all about her. When we moved from our lives in California and had that shift of our futures it wasn't always easy. I mean not for young me, I couldn't have cared less. But for Ajax and the Mom? Yeah, it was difficult. It took time and visits from old friends to heal their wounds. I remember that one summer Robin, Ajax's best friend, came to visit. The young me had always loved him - he was everything that Ajax wasn't able to be. Don't get me wrong, I loved Ajax - unconditionally. Robin was different, though. He was the gentler and more loving brother that wasn't blood.
One day we got the bright idea to play together. As we had a pretty big house the natural choice for playing was hide and seek. There were no off-limits and the sky was the limit for us. I could hear the chanting, "1...2...3..." and off I ran. I wasn't sure where to go.
Upstairs? There is the room off the play room...No that's stuffed with that pink and yellow spongey stuff. That's no good. The hall closet? No... too easy. So, fine, not upstairs. Main level... Hmmm, that closet that connects the hall and the Mom's bedroom? No, too obvious. The Dad's closet... No, I might get lost and I don't think the Dad would be okay with that. Maybe the garage? No, too dangerous. Downstairs? Bathroom? No, it's full of spiders. Behind the bar...Not enough cover. Finally after enough searching for the perfect space to hide I happened upon the idea of exploring the basement.
The thing that was perfect about our basement was that it's an unfinished one. You know it has piles of dirt and black tarps and tons of stuff everywhere. Basically your perfect place to get lost. And getting lost is the point of hide and seek after all. The best part about the dirt piles are that there's a space just small enough for shoving up under with a support beam to hide your body from the sight of wandering in the basement. Unluckily for me Robin had already gotten the idea that I had. He was already perched on top of the dirt pile after I had settled I noticed him, "It's okay... We can both hide here. There's still the others that aren't here."
Robin was always the nice type. My strongest memory of him was when I was even younger. Ajax had gotten mad at the rents' and decided to take it out on me. We had this metal railing along our staircase in California and Ajax decided to bash my skull into the railing and take his rage out on me. I held my head and began to cry... That is until Robin appeared and craddled my head in his chest and held me as I cried cooing all along that everything was going to be fine and that I would feel better in a few minutes. It was always easy to love him.
Ajax had found his way into the basement. My friends trailing along behind him having already been found. Smugly I smiled to myself at having not been the first to be found. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than Ajax said, "Found you..." My heart fluttered a bit sadly and I was about to move to reveal myself when Robin put a finger to his lips and slipped out from under the support beam. It was Robin that had been spotted, not me.
"Where is she?" Ajax looked to Robin. "I haven't seen her. She must be really good at hiding." And off they went to look for me.
This blog post is brought to you by Mama Kat's writing workshop: The Perfect Hiding Spot.
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