It doesn't seem like anyone is going to protect me or save me. Seems as though I'll have to do that myself.
In an attempt to make myself feel safer I've bought a key entry doorknob, cameras, pepper spray, and a stun gun. Of course, I discovered our house doesn't even want me to protect myself as the door knobs don't come off our doors. The screws are for looks only, there's not hidden latch to detach the knobs from each other, they're just permanently in the doors. I've watched so many youtube videos trying to figure out if there's some kind of secret to my stupid door... But at least the cameras are set up in the rooms I'll be in most often. Hopefully hidden enough they'll never notice.
The pepper spray and stun gun are always on me now. At least in a pinch I'll be able to use them to hopefully get away. I have a recording app on my phone so any time I'm stuck in a room with him I can record to protect myself. I've also been watching youtube videos on self defense moves to knock out long enough to run. I need to practice them more.
I also have a bag in my car ready in case I need to run I'll have some essentials. I also have a safe place to stay and hide where I won't be found, but can go day or night. I shared the threats with safe people. I'm doing everything possible to take care of myself. I just wish I didn't have to. I wish I was believed enough that I was safe. Maybe that's why I never told as a child, maybe I knew even then no one would believe me. Maybe this was my destiny.
I just hope that I don't lose my life because my Dad can't believe the truth of his own son.
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