+ Fears +

Day 17: Things that Make You Scared.

There's a number of things that scare me. Some are normal phobias, some are concepts or hang ups I have about myself, and some are just the unknown.

I guess first would be heights. I'm just not fond of not being in control by having my feet firmly on the ground. Still it hasn't stopped me from doing things- climbing up lighthouses, Seattle Space Needle, Empire State Building, hiking up mountains, and hiking into good rivers. I just don't like looking at the distance down to the ground...

I'm not overly fond of spiders, scorpions, or bees. I don't like them in my space. Once upon a time I saw a scorpion and leaped onto the nearest couch and let out a girlie wail.

I'm afraid I'm not worthy of love. In relationships I'm always half expecting to be inexplicably left. Mostly that's how I've been broken up with and usually not very long after it starts. In the back of my head I'm always wondering when I'm going to be left. Though, this one is slowly lulling me into security. It's weird in the best ways.

I'm afraid of taking the leap to move in June. I'm afraid I won't get hired right away and won't be able to support myself. I'm afraid I won't be able to pay my bills and get my life together. However, I'm also ridiculously excited about the life change. I'm just also terrified. Luckily I'm more excited.

I'm afraid of child birth. I'm not pregnant or anything, but the whole idea of it sounds awful and scary. I think it mostly boils down to the fact that I've had intense pain with all aspects of my lady parts so I feel like it'll just be ridiculous pain. Then you have a kid that you can essentially mess up with all kinds of emotional damage. My childhood wasn't the happiest so the idea of bringing a kid into a possibly not happy deal is devastating. Plus, the fear of not being able to support the kid and give them everything they deserve... just scary. All of it.