I always thought I'd be in a much different place in my life by the time I reached this age. I never would have believed I'd feel like such a failure. All the goals I'd set for myself have refused to go my way. I said earlier that life has screwed me. To which I got a snarky response of, "That's the problem with your generation. It's life's fault. You kids really believe that".
I don't necessarily believe that "life" has screwed me, but I do honestly feel cheated living in this time period at times. Things aren't easy, and I feel like no matter how much work or effort I put in I still won't succeed. I feel like no one in this world wants the individual to achieve anything anymore. No matter what I do... I can't move forward. Don't mistake me, I'm still trying. God, am I trying. I just don't see it actually going anywhere for me. I'm observing myself not moving forward but stuck in the same place.
I always believed by the time I was 24 I would have been working two years in the job I graduated college with the intent of having. In my case, a teacher. I honestly always believed I'd have two years of teaching under my belt by the time I was 24. There was no question or doubt in my mind. You go to college. You get the job you apply for that fits your degree. You work. Done.
I never dreamed that jobs wouldn't be available. When I started Freshman year of college I was told there was a very short supply of English teachers. There was talk of combining grades my last year of high school. Somehow in those four years though an abundance of teachers came out of the wood work and we have excess. Worse than that we have excess veteran teachers that get the jobs leaving us without experience stuck unable to get experience because you need experience to get experience. Awesome.
I always believed by the time I was 24 I would have my own place and I'd know where I want to live. At the very least I would be living in a house/apartment of my own. I just never thought I'd be living with my parents again. That just never registered as possible in my mind. You just don't do that. Yet here I am. In the same room I've lived for 19 years of my life. My room that was too small then and has only gotten smaller as I've aged. I think the only room tinier than mine is Harry Potter's cupboard under the stairs.
And yet every time I try to get rid of things I find I have trouble letting go. I have no idea why I have such an attachment to material things. And maybe it's less of a material attachment and more of the fact I just get stuck because there's so much stuff I just don't know where to start. And to be honest the majority of it is clothes that still fit and I wear. I have trouble letting them go because it took a while to acquire my clothing and they're not ratty or ill-fitting there's just little clothing space so it looks like a huge mess of clutter...when it just has no place to go. Seriously my hangers are so close together with clothes that I physically can't fit another hanger up and there are still piles of clothes. Neatly folded and clean even.
I thought I would have an apartment or house to put my clothes, kitchen stuff, couches, books, dvds, bookshelves, etc.
The lamest thing? I don't qualify for low-income housing even though I don't make enough money a month to pay any rent in town. I've thoroughly searched. It's pretty awesome. I don't make enough to have roommates because I couldn't afford utilities or anything else. All because I decided to work the closest thing to my field as possible. All personnel are considered so worthless the jobs can't be the sole income because you couldn't survive.
I know I'm lucky that my parents let me live with them, but I would like to be independent.
I also always thought by the time I was 24 I would have someone in my life that I was kind of serious with. I never really pictured myself being married by the time I was 24, but dating or possible engaged? Yeah, I always thought that. I thought I might even be living with a significant other - no such luck.
Instead I'm a 24, single, employed-but-highly-taken-for-granted-gets-physically-smacked-around-for-nothing, living at home, graduate that doubts a college degree is worth anything. If students were to ask me today if I think a college degree is worth it I would have to say no. I don't see it helping me one bit. The jobs I've acquired since graduating college I could have gotten without ever going to college. The degree possibly made it easier to get hired, but I think I still would have gotten my jobs.
I just always thought a degree meant you'd be successful. I thought that work counted for something. Now I'm not so sure. I'm 24 and I feel old and worthless. I feel like a drain on everyone I know and that I am stuck in a cycle of failure.
And I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.
I feel like bagging a job that pays enough to support yourself is all luck and no skill/work. The work I put in and my loyalty counts for nothing.
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