+ What Do I Do with Choices? +

Dercetus called me tonight. My first thought was, "Awesome, they're drunk. This is going to be interesting".

Actually this time they weren't drunk dialing me. Instead Dercetus called me to tell me one of them really is moving out come Summer and as we'd talked about they still want me to be the replacement roomie.

See, the thing is Dercetus knows I'm unhappy with my home life. I run to them every chance I get. Partially because I adore them and partially because getting away is always good. Seriously. 

It's ridiculous how much I want to drop everything and move in with the guys. Frankly I can't think of anything that's made me happier in a long time. Other than maybe my September visit to their place. It's terrifying how appealing I find this.

Except I'm scared. God am I scared.

I hate the idea of moving without being sure I have a job lined up. A job I can comfortably afford rent, my car payment, gas, utilities, etc. Oh god...that already seems astronomical to me...especially if I'm thinking about taking classes, too.

I'm also sad thinking about having to leave my work friends. I adore two of the women in particular and hate the idea of not seeing them (or some of the kiddos) again.

Then there's Viola and Ali. I really hate the idea of not getting to see them randomly on a week night.

And the leaving of the Rents and the dog again.

I think what sucks so bad is I'm horrible at making decisions. I don't like choices. I don't like the unknown. I hate that nothing is guaranteed, promised, or permanent. I just wish I knew what to do.

I feel so lost in life all the time.

I have no clue. About anything. What do I even want to do with my life!?