Yeah - I totally think like that on a regular basis. Now I'm totally kicking myself because I seemed overeager and therefore crazy. God.
It's not totally my fault, though. I just fancy this guy because he's been interesting, amusing, and nice to me. I like talking to him and being around him. I also really dig that he texted me tonight because I was beginning to think I was totally stupid for entertaining ideas about us - despite having been on a date with him and hanging out with him another time.
I just typically have a way of screwing myself over and being interested in guys that don't really respect or care about me. I fool myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe I'm wrong and the guy really does care. In his own way. Typically I just am being stupid though because I care too much.
I would really like for that to not be the case with this one, though. Mostly because I'm just sick of wanting guys that are jerks - and I'd really love for this one to not be a jerk. I'd like, just once, for this to work out in my favor. This guy is one I like being around.
If you know anything about my last six months or so you'd know that the idea of holding hands with a significant other really creeps me out at this point. I was with a lot of kids that would hold my hand and a lot of working with children and would get saliva, snot, etc. on me from kids holding my hands and/or hugging me. So to say what I'm about to say is kind of a big deal - I never thought I'd be okay with a guy holding my hand again because of all my previous exposure recently, but...
When this guy holds my hand... I don't know how to explain it. I just like when he holds my hand. I like when out of nowhere he pulls me into his arms so I'm laying on his chest and he just holds me. I like that things aren't so awkward between us anymore. Our first encounter was pretty awkward - at least from my perspective. Our kissing was awkward, though he never seemed to notice. I like when he teases me and when he kisses me.
I want a chance to show him maybe all ladies aren't the same - and I want him to be happy no matter what that means. However, I'd prefer that he be happy with me. I guess I just want a real chance with a guy who isn't just trying to use me or toy with me. So far he doesn't seem the type. I just wish we'd talk more. I wish I could see him more. And I wish I for sure knew where I stood with him. What my chances were so to speak.
To be fair though, when I texted him and asked if he was just busy or if he'd just lost interest in me. He texted back right away saying how he was busy, and explaining how he was busy. I said that was cool, busy I totally understand and was just checking. He seemed like he was being sincere and didn't want me to leave him alone. And he was first to text me since then. Maybe there is a chance?
God. I don't know. I just wish I'd know. I hate not knowing things. It drives me bonkers.
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