+ I Guess this is Growing Up +

I just think it's really crappy when 'friends' stop talking to you over quite literally nothing. When you do absolutely nothing wrong, yet somehow you're still interpretted as the bad guy. That seems to happen a lot, and then I go and rethink the events passed.

Surely if this happens more than once, you must be the one at fault, right? Yet I can't recall any instance in which it could be construed as my fault. I mean don't get me wrong - I have my faults. I know I do.

I'm not the best at playing nice. I think the world should work a certain way - and it should be dictated by logic. I tend to be unyielding when I fully believe I'm right. I have a strong sense of beliefs and I don't bend them for just anyone. I hate hate hate when my friends blow me off when I made plans with them first. Just because our plans sound less enticing, if you make plans with me don't just reject me. It gets old, fast. I get mad when I get walked all over - because I've put up with it way too much in my life. And when I place my trust in someone, in a friendship, I expect that they understand it's not something I do often.

I want more friends like the ones I can go days, weeks, months, years without talking to and it's like nothing has changed. When you feel yourself spilling things out that you can't even tell people who you've lived with for years. Those are the kinds of friends that tend to be the best. I do have a few like that, but not many of them live near me. Actually right now I'm not sure any of them live near me. Not a distance that we can meet up for a coffee and just chill. Hell, I'd make a dang five course meal every day if some of them would visit.

I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling lonely and I miss friends of mine that turned out not to be friends. I think it just is so unfair when you are in a friendship more than the other person involved. Because it just breaks you that much worse when they let you know how little you meant to them. Especially when you never wanted it to be that way.

I still am sitting here wondering what I did wrong. I don't have an answer why the people in mind won't talk to me anymore. I just don't understand. I feel as though I didn't do anything wrong. I guess you pick sides even when you don't know you're doing it. That's the only thing I can think of.