Thursday, July 28, 2011

+ Is it School Time Yet? +

Basically the main thing I miss about the school year right now is living in an apartment. Don't get me wrong, I love the Dad and the Mom as much as the next kid, and even Ajax. I do. But it is nice to be on your own sometimes, I just feel lame and like a kid again when I'm living with the family.

At least when I'm on my own I can make my own decisions. If I want to go out, I go out. If I want to stay out until 3 in the morning, there's no one I'm supposed to wake up to let know I'm home okay. Basically I miss the freedom I have when I'm not under their roof. And it's disconcerting because it feels like I have no choices or control. Plus, there it doesn't matter I don't have a car. Everything is walking distance. If I want to go out I don't have to wait for a ride or until someone gets home so I can use their car. I just go using my own legs.

Then there's the fact that it appears I have more friends there than I do here. Or maybe it's all in my head, but regardless it certainly feels like I don't have many friends here. I make plans, they blow me off. So, here I am stuck with the family and only them. Who drive me up the wall, and yet still they keeps me sane at times. It really makes no sense.

Plus, right now during the limbo of Summer it seems like I have no purpose. I'm working for the Dad, trying to get caught up on Spanish, and just trying to make the days pass. But it's like my whole life is on hold. And that is what has me struggling. I think.

I guess I don't really know. I just want to be able to finish up what I need to and then I'll have yet another threshold to cross again. Freshman year, with the aid of two amazing women instructors, we spoke a lot about thresholds. The meaning of them and their importance. With my last semester in the making, I find myself thinking of them a lot again. Some thresholds are scary, some ground you. And sometimes they're a mystery, and that's what this one is.

I guess I mostly miss that during the school year it doesn't feel like my life is on hold. Like I'm struggling through a place holder. Even though I pretty much am still during school. And then there's the realization during this suspension of time that I push too many people away, and that's probably why I'm alone during this suspension of time.



Photobucket What do you miss most about the school year?

No comments:

Post a Comment