A piece of writing I did for class. It amused me, and after so many years it's probably pretty accurate to how Princess Peach feels. My group I had to read it to sounded amused, too.
Dear Mario,
Your sense of direction continually worsens. How many times have I heard Bowser say, “Sorry, Mario, the Princess is in another Castle,”? Can you really not figure out which Castle I’m in? How hard can it possibly be to find a measly Princess, I mean honestly…
It’s not like you can’t ask Luigi… Or Yoshi – he knows where I am. Just rescue him from his egg and he can potentially be of service to you in your endeavor to find me. Can you really be so useless? If you think I will kiss you when you can’t even save me in a timely manner, you are sadly mistaken, Sir.
Not to mention your shroom addiction. You get so high off just one, it’s like you grow double in size. You’d rather sit around all day doing shrooms than putting any real effort into saving me, some hero you are. Drugs aren’t going to help anything, just ask the koopas – you don’t see them doing drugs, do you? They don't slack off on their job to eat shrooms. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend, but you don’t listen to me and you certainly don’t protect me. How many times have you allowed me to get captured by the evil King Bowser? Too many for me to even fathom counting.
What are you even doing right now? Probably participating in folly, no doubt. Get with it, Mario! I’m in Castle number Three. Boo’s not here this time… Actually, come to think of it… Right now no one is here. Forget you, Mario, I’m just going to leave on my own. I can save myself.
Sincerely,
Princess Peach
The Run-Away Princess
oh my gosh. that's HILARIOUS. i love it!
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